Weight Loss #8

I’ve been totally MIA for the past month, I moved out of my mums and in with my boyfriend so I’ve just been adjusting y’know, killing plants, buying bin bags, learning to work a washing mashine. All the fun stuff. 

So.. 

This is something I never really wanted to get into on my blog but I've been thinking about what I want this blog to be and to become and I can't get away from the fact that it just has to be real. I've been real with some opinions and other things on here, but never my journey with weight loss.

I was a teenager when I first began noticing that I was bigger that the other girls and its plagued my life ever since. I've been concious of my weight ever since I can remember. I can't remember a time when I was carefree and happy in regards to my weight. I grew up with my mum who was always on a diet and always struggled with weight after having kids, it was just normal to me, I guess I've been on a diet ever since I was about 14.

When I was in school, around 15/16 I landed a lead role in a school play and a girl had the nerve to tell me I was too fat to play the role. I was a size 12/14. What a fucking tragedy for a 15 year old to hear that. I've never forgotten that comment, especially as it was a girl who was at the time, my friend.

When I was in my early teen years, it was fashion to be skinny. Kim K hadn't really taken over the world yet, being 'thick' was most definitely not a thing and most girls wanted to be as small as possible. I remember at school we’d bring in dry crackers for lunch and eat them out of our pockets so that boys wouldn’t see us eating. Saying that out loud makes me realise how fucking mad that is!! Everything in my life had been taken over by my feelings about my weight. I wish someone would have told me I wasn't fat when I was 15. I wish someone had stuck up to the boys at school that would be nasty to me about being fat, maybe I wouldn't have believed it. I wasn't bullied, not in the dramatic sense of the word. There were a select few pricks that'd put their 2 pence in, but literally couldn't care less about them, judging by their Facebook accounts they've all done absolutely fuck all with their lives so they can kiss my fat ass.

I've tried and failed with every single diet in the world. Most recent epic fails include a 5 day juice diet (I lasted until lunchtime on the first day) and a shake diet (I lasted a week and lost 8 pounds)
The main diet i've had success with is Slimming World. I've probably joined about 3 or 4 times, have never lasted more than 4 weeks and never lost more than 10 pounds. Why? Because the diet didn't work? No. Because I literally have just had no willpower. Slimming world works great for me, it always has, i've just never given it the proper go that I know I could.

Since Christmas, I've had a new lease of life when it comes to determination to make my business succeed, last year my business did better than I ever could have hoped it would do in the first year, its honestly been amazing. I've been working super hard on new ideas and ways to push the business forward, I've been listening to podcasts every spare minute I have, at least 2 per day - Shouts to GirlBoss and GaryVee - they have literally changed my outlook on life and business in the past 2 weeks they are actually incredible in very different ways. So I say all of that, to say that if I have all of this determination in me to push my business to new levels this year, then I must have the damn determination to loose the weight I want to loose!

I saw someone say that they don't believe that people 'don't have willpower' because the only food that goes into your mouth is via your own hand. You literally control everything you put into your body. It's so true. Everytime I reach for something unhealthy, its my hand thats picking it up. So it's going to now be that same hand that puts it down and picks up a bloody apple. I know I can do this, and if you're reading this and feel the same, I know you can do it too. I'm sure every success story you see, they have tried and failed many many times, all it takes is for that one time to be the one that works and the one that pulls you out of the cycle.

So far I’m nearly 3 weeks in and I’m 9 pounds down, just got to keep going. I honestly don’t know how much I’ll post about it, it’s a touchy subject for me and I have never really spoken to anyone other than the closest people to me about it. 

Anyway, let’s do it, anyone else doing slimming world or anything similar? Feel free to comment, let’s do it together. 

Lots of love,

Ayme x